What’s my deal?

Why do I seem to align myself with what some people see as an exclusionary ideology? Well as far as I see it, the question isn’t and never has been about excluding all TW. It’s about being allowed to have a conversation about where do you draw the line?

Is the line Jenna Talackova, me, Danielle Moscato, Clare Darbyshire? We aren’t even allowed to have the conversation. That’s bullshit.

My deal isn’t specifically to support feminists (although I do). I’m not interesting in cookies or pats on the head. My deal is that I genuinely care for trans people and all I see is TRA’s fucking things up and making our lives harder.

They have pushed things so far with the self definition of woman, with the misogyny and vile abuse that I’ve honestly only ever seen in one direction. Women are scared and rightly so about where this is going.

There is going to be one hell of a backlash and it’s TW that will bear the brunt of it.

The lie I refer to is telling transwomen that they are actually female. Justifying it with disproven pseudoscience about hormones in the womb. But the worst thing is that it shouldn’t even be necessary. Gender identity only makes sense with reference to cultural beliefs about gender. And in some ways I’m cool with that. Gender, whilst socially constructed, still exists. Our culture is steeped in it. And we all have to exist in the real world, not some theoretical post-gender society that doesn’t exist.

I identify “as” a woman only in the sense that I identify with what our society expects of a woman. I identify with women. My behaviours are classed as feminine. But I no longer need to believe that I’m actually a woman, or indeed that I need to considered a woman in order for these things to be ok.

My observations of so many people in the trans community is that they are extremely vulnerable and volatile. Of course we are. We are something that society has told us we’re not meant to be. Something shameful and wrong and perverse. Of course we all want to be accepted. To have self worth. And honestly I applaud anyone and anything that helps us to find love and peace and acceptance.

But:
1) it has to be grounded in reality or it’s unstable, and;
2) it mustn’t be at the expense of anyone else.

I honestly wish that when I first had counselling I was helped to explore gender and to understand that society’s understanding of what men are and what women are is restrictive and artificial. That being me isn’t shameful or wrong. That it’s ok to be me, not because I’m actually a woman, but just because. Most of us develop a deep sense of internalised transphobia and never deal with it. Our validity becomes based on the lie that we are actually women so when anybody questions that, or misgenders us it hurts like hell because it attacks the foundation of our self worth and brings up that unresolved internalised transphobia.

I see it over and over again from the trans community and it hurts. I don’t want to see people being so hurt by the truth that we have to wrap the entire community in bubble wrap.

The sad thing is that feminists and trans people all want the same thing. We all want to be free of gender constraints. Trans ideology does this by affirming gender as something innate but distinct from biology. Feminism does it by completely rejecting gender altogether.

I’m not looking to change anyone’s mind on any of this, but just to explain where my views have come from.

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