What I missed about transition

I answered a question yesterday about treatments other than transition and hormones. When I thought about it later I realised that I’d really missed a trick.

Transition isn’t for everyone. If you haven’t already seen it, this video https://youtu.be/9L2jyEDwpEw by Cari Stella is truly brilliant.

Sometimes understanding and accepting gender non-conformity is enough. Perhaps it should always be enough?

How to be a trans ally


I’m sick of the way the trans community, the medical profession and trans allies try to build up our self esteem based on fragile untruths.

If you really want to support trans people smash the gender rules that say that females are feminine and males are masculine.

If a male says that they are confused because they feel like a woman find out what that means to them. Invariably it means that they identify with things that our society deems only acceptable for women.

Instead of telling them that it’s ok because they are a woman, tell them it’s ok to be a man and be all of those things. Telling them they are actually a woman only sets them up for pain and hurt and fragility.

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Bloke in a dress

I’m not sure what the hell is going on any more. I’m not delusional so I don’t think I’m a woman or female. So I’m just a bloke in a dress and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

It’s kinda great to not be living with the cognitive dissonance that transwomen are actually women when clearly we aren’t unless you redefine women to not mean women anymore. And it’s kinda cool to be gender non-conformimg and give a big two fingers to the gender stereotypes about what men are allowed/meant to be.

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What is gender identity?



I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this and the best I can come up with
at the moment is that ‘gender identity’ is best described as ‘identification
with the cultural artefacts that a society normally associates with a given

By cultural artefacts I mean physical things (hair, makeup, clothes etc) and
non-physical behaviours (being nurturing, submissive etc).

This way the definition exists without validating gender as being anything

Some people believe that our behaviours and tastes are directly linked to our gender which is something innate, but if
one attempts any critical thought about this we end up down an infinite rabbit
hole of circular definitions. Gender is seen by others as a social construct i.e. that there is nothing
innate or natural about it, but it exists only because of social convention.
Intellectually and philosophically this is a much more robust explanation. Now
just because something is socially constructed doesn’t mean that it doesn’t
exist, just that it isn’t natural. Sadly gender is very real and women have
been oppressed by these socially constructed expectations for millennia. Sure
we all have our own core identity and personal tastes, but these are unique to
us all and are not innately sex specific.

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I reject “trans”

We should not be considered transgender, or transexual or transvestites. These terms only mean anything with reference to the perpetuation of the gender binary. The fact that some men wear makeup or dresses or have long hair or are nurturing or any of the other things that our society currently associates with women should be entirely unremarkable. If we expand the bandwidth of what it is to be a man we don’t need these terms and certainly don’t need to claim to be women.


trans is the interpretation and implication that the illness that is body dysphoria is a sign of someone’s being the other sex and that the patient can only be helped with medical transition. I reject it on that basis and thus prefer simply “body dysphoria”.

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Does GRS help to treat gender dysphoria?

I recently came across a question about whether GRS is an effective
treatment for gender dysphoria. The implication was that it is a mental
health issue and so should be it be treated with therapy rather than
with medical and surgical intervention.

what it’s worth, I think that GRS certainly can help, but it’s not a
cure all.
Whether gender dysphoria results from something we are born with or is
that develops because of our life experiences
(I believe it’s the latter), it’s not something that anyone has
found out how to “cure”. What is clear is that no amount of therapy can
make the feelings of dysphoria simply go away. By dysphoria I’m
referring to the obsessive and compulsive thoughts about transitioning
changing one’s body to be less male / more female.I know so many people
who have had therapy for decades
trying to understand it, to fight it and to make it go away and I’ve yet
to meet somebody who has managed to do this without transitioning.

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A comment on being heard

If I may comment on the importance of being heard. One of my observations is that many conversations between trans people and women don’t get anywhere near discussing any actual issues because of the offence caused early on.

This goes both ways and I certainly don’t think that women should be (as they always are) the ones that should have to give ground. However I think understanding what causes trans people to go off the deep end might be useful in order to be heard.

I often hear people say that “being a man is not a value statement. It’s just a fact”, or that “man just means adult human male”. But to a transwoman they ARE seen as value statements. The word “man” is imbued with everything that we (well some of us) are trying to escape. To lump us in
with the group “man” (especially at first encounter before even having any chance to assess who we are) is seen as being prejudicial and intentionally hurtful.

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“Trans women are women” is a lie that is as dangerous to transwomen as it is to women

When I grew up in the seventies and eighties in the north of England, transgender wasn’t a thing. Men were men, and women were women. Heteronormativity was king. In fact it wasn’t just king, it was everything. It didn’t even need a name back then.

Where I grew up, nobody was gay. Faggots, puffters, bum-boys, up-hill gardeners, queers, trannies, gender-benders, dykes, lesbos and their ilk would not have been welcome or tolerated.

These things were shameful. Unacceptable. Wrong. Unnatural.

I’d seen cross dressing on the TV. I’d seen “that perverted faggot” Danny La Rue. I’d seen Kenny Everett’s ‘hilarious’ bearded lady ‘Cupid Stunt’. Being a ‘tranny’ was not a good thing. It was not something I wanted to be. It was something to hide and deny. I lived in fear. I was afraid. I was scared to be a tranny. Society had instilled in me a deep-rooted, intense internalised transphobia.

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Respect, individuality and personal responsibility

I hate labels. I hate sides. I hate ideology and dogma. I believe in individuals. I believe in personal responsibility. I believe in equality and fairness. I am naive.

Women exist. Men exist. Transwomen exist. Trans men exist. Transvestites exist. Non binary people exist. These are over simplified labels and you can argue about labels, so really it’s just that people exist. Lots of them and we are all different. And that’s ok. It’s great in fact.

In society we have rules that dictate what is acceptable for males and females. The rules change over time, but the rules are there. Let me be clear that the rules are heavily and intentionally biased in favour of males and are undoubtedly used to oppress women. But these rules are damaging and dangerous to females and also to males.

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Am I really a trans woman? (part 4)

It’s taken me a couple of weeks to start this part. I think I’ve been putting it off. Partly because it’s the hardest part, and partly because I’ve not been sure what to say.

This part was meant to be about the wider implications of the things I covered in the first three parts. But it’s so vast I’m not really sure where to begin.

In part 1 (http://transavant.tumblr.com/post/112603661492/am-i-really-a-trans-woman-part-1) I covered how I’m quite comfortable with the fact that I’m biologically male. In part 2 (http://transavant.tumblr.com/post/112619516832/am-i-really-a-trans-woman-part-2) I discussed how much of gender is social construct and in part 3 (http://transavant.tumblr.com/post/112632007687/am-i-really-a-trans-woman-part-3)  I acknowledged that EVERY victim of male violence must be cared for in the best way for them.

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