This is a very personal, self indulgent post. It’s just about me. It’s not about the wider issues and it’s certainly not about class analysis. It’s a brain dump in an effort to make sense of myself.
I’ve written loads about what woman means, and about how transwomen aren’t women. I’m not and never will be female obviously, but fuck, you know sometimes maybe it’s appropriate to contextualise things in terms of the real world that we actually live in.
People argue about whether gender is innate or just a social construct and whilst this is really interesting and all that, in the real world that I actually inhabit gender is very much alive and well and the vast majority of people that I meet in real life (not on the internet) have absolutely zero concept of gender as a social construct. As far as they are concerned I clearly present as and live as a woman. And nobody gives a shit. I just get on with my life.
So yeah I’m transgender. Gender exists irrespective of whether it may be socially constructed or not. I’ve transitioned from living and presenting “as a man” to living and presenting “as a woman”. And it’s clear what that means if you actually reference it to the real world. That doesn’t mean that I believe that women should be defined by their appearance or socially constructed roles. And it doesn’t mean that I believe that I’m female. These things are not mutually exclusive.
I’m just looking to be at peace with myself. I no longer live with the cognitive dissonance of believing that I’m actually female or have a female brain, but I’m obviously still searching for peace or I wouldn’t write as much as I do.
I try not to be an entitled, male socialised misogynist. I attempt to assimilate as best as I can with the social group of women that I identify with. I just want to get on with my life without any fuss.
Sorry (not sorry).